Good AND Bad

I find it easier to believe that bad things come from God, than good things. I guess I assume that things in life should go fairly smoothly. When they don't, I have no problem trusting that God has a reason for the crap in my life. That doesn't mean I like having crap in my life, but I can usually brainstorm up some kind of good that could come of it. However, when things go really great, or something wonderful happens out of the blue, I simply attribute it to the fact that things in life just go well sometimes; coincidence. How ridiculous is that? Most people thank God for the good stuff and either forget Him during the bad or curse Him for it.

I was explaining this phenomenon to Mike one day, and he said I am like Naomi. {{Whoa, being like anyone in the Bible is cool, but being like someone from the Bible that has the same name as a supermodel? Stop! I'm blushing!}} Anyway, Naomi from the Bible... who was bitter and blamed God for her apparent abandonment. {{Wait a minute... maybe I shouldn't be so flattered by my husbands’ assessment after all…}} She did however, end up realizing that God had not completely forgotten her and took care of her in the end (and all through the middle, as my husband pointed out).

Saying I’m like Naomi is actually fairly accurate, considering a year ago I was so angry at God, I felt like He was not involved in my life at all (abandoned) and that He could really care less about what went on in my trivial life. So, acknowledging that He is here, and somewhat participating, is also admitting that He cares. Sort of. Even if it is getting back to brainstorming the good that He could make of unfortunate happenings.

I am not quite to where Naomi was at the end of her story, but I suppose we are always on this journey of working on our relationship with God. I certainly have come a long way, but I am even more certain that I have much farther to go. My frustrations with Him are not because hard things have happened to me, or around me, but because I don't believe he actually loves me. The kind of believing that you don’t have to think about, you just know it.



This is the product of five girls going apple picking. It was so good, and so bad for us :)

I've heard so much about you!

As I was brushing my teeth this morning
{{pause. I felt like it was worth noting that most mornings, the time spent brushing my teeth is used to determine my wardrobe for the day. This routine developed out of the realization that I was wasting time standing in front of the sink, occupying one hand only, while my other hand and more importantly, my conscious thinking, were available. So, I go into the habit of taking my teeth brushing into the bedroom and standing in front of my closet, pulling out shirts and pants and switching combinations at least three times before achieving satisfaction. If by chance I have already thought about what to wear, I move to the next step of accessories! By combining these to daily necessities, I have not only saved time, but improved my dental hygiene. I'm sure some days my teeth are brushed for 9 minutes straight!}}
Anyway, I strayed from my routine and stood in front of the sink, and because my brain is quite sporadic and random, the phrase "I've heard so much about you" invited itself in.

It's a very common phrase, yet I wonder if we ever stop to think of the implications it carries. Imagine the many situations in which it would be used. Of course, it is most commonly said after an introduction of a new acquaintance. A few examples:

Just imagine introducing someone you know and love (friend, spouse, sig other) and after they meet the person listed, your friend says "Oh! I've heard so much about you!". Hah! Imagine the vast array of emotional responses that could be running through their head!

• the boss
• the ex-girlfriend/boyfriend
• the neighbor
• the co-carpooler
• the parents of the kids you babysit/sat for
• the professor/teacher
• the teammate
• the doctor/dentist
  

Basically, any relationship you have where you are not so close to the person that they know without a doubt what you think of them, things could get awkward. And awkward things make me laugh. So think about that next time you tell someone that you've heard a lot about them ;)

PS. You should definitely wink too. It adds to the awkward factor :)

Incline Me To Repent

Depth of Mercy
Selah

Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear,
Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul's impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

Now incline me to repent,
Let me now my sins lament,
Deeply my revolt deplore,
Weep, believe, and sin no more.

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul's impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

"Now incline me to repent, Let me now my sins lament"
My favorite line, not because it makes me feel happy, but because it makes me feel real. How often do I go through each day, not at all thinking of how the things I do and the things I think have real weight and meaning. It matters. Not in an ego-centric way, like what I think has the same impact as what Roger Goodell thinks. I mean it really matters when it comes to the reflection of my soul. And if I don't stop and evaluate what I'm thinking, then my life is gonna start to get messy, and look a whole lot more like my ugly selfishness than God's gorgeous compassion.

Copy Cat

I saw this posted in another blog, and it made me laugh so hard I had to share. Don't tell Mike, but even HE got a good chuckle.

The Objective Truth...

If you don't have time to read it now, make sure to check it out later. Make sure to click the link at the bottom of the page, to read the next post in the series. It is a fear we as women have all had at one point or another in our life. A fear that our men have also shared, but have learned better than to say anything to us about it :)

PS. I should try posting other people's things more often! It alleviates the problem of thinking of something clever to say!

Fake Identity!

I have a fake identity! Drum roll please...

Fleet & Travel Coordinator,
IPC International

It's official. I am in my third week working, and it has sure been busy. I didn't want to post too soon, just to be safe :) But I think they are gonna let me stay, at least for a while. ;) It's not a temp job, it's a permanent job. I'm really enjoying it, though it's been extremely stressful. I have a feeling that once I get into routines and feel more comfortable with the way things need to go, I'm gonna love it.

Just a few details:
Commute: 5 minutes! (or 10, if I have to wait for the train to pass)
Industry: Shopping Mall Security (yes, very much like the movie "Mall Cop")
Office Size: There are about 60 people at corporate -where I am- and there are hundreds more in the field.
Span: We do security at properties all across the country, and even some in Europe.
Hours: 8:30-5:00, but I stay till 5:10 usually, so I get some brownie points, plus I have plenty to catch up on work, AND I'll still be home before 5:30 :D
My Responsibilities: Coordinating our fleet of 150 or so leased vehicles. Booking travel (flight, hotel, rental cars) for all of our employees. Sounds simple, but right now, it is anything but.
Friends: Mandy! She is awesome! she was a huge help when I temped at this company, and we still work in the same department. There are lots of other really nice people too :)

I can't think of anything else that you might be interested in, so if you're curious about something, just ask!

Steal My Sunshine

I was thinking about some things I was reading, catching up on other people's lives, and I started thinking about their commentary on their own life. It occurred to me, "Sometimes I am baffled by people's inability to look beyond themselves and at least acknowledge the joy that other people experience. You don't have to enjoy it too, but to steal that joy from someone else? Disgraceful." and I am utterly disappointed. However, I also have to remind myself that I am not in their shoes and I do not know all of the details so I can not completely resign to knowing the right and wrong in this situation.

Also, I wonder how many times I do that? I like to think that my own sarcasm and frequent negativity are my way of dealing with life, and don't affect other people. I actually try really hard to make sure that people around me feel good and comfortable. Sometimes I try too hard, in fact. Yet this is clearly my opinion from my perspective. It is impossible for me to objectively evaluate how my negativity impacts others. So next time you are having a joyous moment, and I steal your joy, feel free to remind me to let you have your moment and enjoy it too. I don't need to pretend to be joyful with you, I just shouldn't spoil it for you.

A Poem

In school, the only form of poetry that I ever got the hang of was haiku. I think this is because there is one simple rule, and it is easy to remember. Syllables. Five, seven, five, done. Other poetry was too deep and complex for me. "Sure, it doesn't have to rhyme," so said the teacher. But then I get my grade back and she tells me "it's not really a poem." What did I miss?! I'm not sure why I didn't just stick with the rhyming. It is also an easy rule to follow. Maybe it was during my "I want to look cool and mature" phase, and apparently rhyming seemed childish. So, the haiku it was.

Now for the haiku itself (with explanation to follow):

Hush little birdies
The sun has not said good 'morn
And sleep evades me

This was composed somewhere between the hours of four and five this morning. I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep all night long. So as I lay awake in bed, at four-something this morning, trying to clear my head and focus on 'nothing', I was rudely distracted by eager birds. Why do they sing their chipper songs before it is light? Must they remind me that day is coming, so I better hurry up and get my sleep in? Thanks, pressure is just what a restless person needs to fall back asleep. hah. And so, as I am sure everyone does, I made up a poem. I hope you have enjoyed my literary adventure. :)

P.S. I do, in fact, enjoy birds. Just not when they are singing at 4am. ;)

Mistaken Identity

I am quite frequently informed that I look "just like" so and so. Or, "I could have sworn I saw you the other day!" but alas, it was not me. I think this is actually very amusing. I take joy (er, pride) in knowing I look like other people, sometimes even famous people. This picture is me and a girl dubbed as my twin in college.


This post however, is about the other kind of identity. The one we hold of ourselves. What do you see as your identity? There can be many, but usually there is one that you tell first to people you've just met. Or the one you make sure to include on your bio or "about me" statement. Now, I know as believers, you are to strive to hold our identity in Christ. You are supposed to be completely confident in your adoption as a son or daughter of Christ that you are most excited about it and it is the first and last thing you want to share with people. Let me be the first to confess that I struggle so much with this concept that it feels like I am writing about a foreign country that I've never visited.

**Warning**: I acknowledge that I have a tendency to whine :) and exclaim "woe is me". Please feel free to stop reading if you start to gag.

Over the last few weeks I have been unemployed, waiting for my next assignment from the staffing agency. The first week was bliss, the second was miserable and the third was a combination of both. Having time off from full time employment is like an impromptu, mini-vacation. Woo hoo! I get to bake things (Raspberry Banana Bread, Chocolate Peanut Butter Mallow Bars, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies...) and plan real meals for my husband! It was a fun week. Then week two rolls around and the fact that I should have been called by now, and the temping agency is clearly neglecting me, sets in. (That is sarcasm, because they can only call when they have assignments, I'm not really blaming them). Week three got the pendulum swing started with reminding myself that not everyone gets to enjoy time off like this, and at least we have some savings in the bank to keep us afloat. Swing... I am useless, jobless, lazy, unmotivated and annoyed. So that is what has prompted the ponderings of my identity. My conclusion:

It is harder to struggle with your identity when you have none at all, than when you have a fake one.

Oh how I long to be the kind of person with a profession. So that I could say, I am a _____. And in that statement, I would be informing people that I am of value, I bring something to the table, I help mankind! It could simply be, "I am a Mom, I have little people that are completely my responsibility and I am doing my best to raise them as good humans and lovers of God." Or I could be, a nurse, a barista, an accountant, a pastor, a counselor or a teacher. But no. Instead I am a person that works for a Staffing Agency doing temporary assignments as an Administrative Assistant.

I realize that all of these identities are, in reality, fake. They are titles that help describe us, but they are not supposed to be our identities. However, when you have one, it is easy to get comfortable and tell yourself (or possibly lie to yourself) from time to time that your real confidence and comfort comes from your identity in Christ. Lie or not, it is easier when you have another identity to fall back on.

Every other month

I seem to be on an "every other month" schedule with blogging. Oh well, it is what it is. I currently have an unintended break from temp assignments, so have been catching up on that infamous "To Do" list that we all keep in the back of the junk drawer. (Write a blog post, "check!")

In other news, our free cable disappeared, so we went completely without TV for about a week. Just a movie or two. It was an interesting experiment, and definitely reminded us of how much we depend on it for a distraction, or as the default activity. I called the cable company to see about having them hook up basic cable (you know, like the free channels you should get anyway) and it cost $17 a month, plus tax, plus a $32 installation fee. Please note that our apartment is already wired (as is the entire campus...) and the "installation" consists only of coming down to the campus, opening up some box and flipping the switch to "on". Also note that the installation fee for a residence that previously had NO hookup at all was only $46. It is interesting to me the correlation of necessary work and money we pay... I guess I should say lack of correlation.

Moving on. We decided to try out the digital antenna route, in the hopes of paying more, up-front for something that will last a few years. A $40 antenna, gets us the basics, about 8 channels or so, including the public access channels that are only good for soothing a fussy baby into a lull with mindless elevator music. Unfortunately, the picture gets all jumbled and seems to be temperamental. So, we will either stick with this and work on our patience finding the perfect spot for the antenna, or return it and upgrade to a more expensive one. The great part is that as long as we spend less than $200 and use it for at least a year, we are saving money! It would be good for us to invest our free time in other ways/things anyway. PS - Thanks to Mom and Dad for teaching me about money, more specifically how to be smart about investing in something of good quality that will last you in the long run.

We just need to have access to the TV for our favorites, which include but are not limited to:
Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution (Fridays) Our favorite! Check it out on Hulu.com
Flash Forward (Thursdays)
The Mentalist (Thursdays)
The Good Wife (Tuesdays)
Parenthood (my new interest, though the official verdict is still out, Tuesdays)

See you in another two months! hah, hopefully sooner ;)

Thoughts on Blogging

I seem to have very little to blog about when there are no children or dogs around. I'll have to work on that. Maybe it's a reflection of a lack of introspection and thinking about the deeper things of life. Or it could be laziness, or not valuing the ponderings and little stories I have. Sorry friends, I'd like to work on this.