Good AND Bad

I find it easier to believe that bad things come from God, than good things. I guess I assume that things in life should go fairly smoothly. When they don't, I have no problem trusting that God has a reason for the crap in my life. That doesn't mean I like having crap in my life, but I can usually brainstorm up some kind of good that could come of it. However, when things go really great, or something wonderful happens out of the blue, I simply attribute it to the fact that things in life just go well sometimes; coincidence. How ridiculous is that? Most people thank God for the good stuff and either forget Him during the bad or curse Him for it.

I was explaining this phenomenon to Mike one day, and he said I am like Naomi. {{Whoa, being like anyone in the Bible is cool, but being like someone from the Bible that has the same name as a supermodel? Stop! I'm blushing!}} Anyway, Naomi from the Bible... who was bitter and blamed God for her apparent abandonment. {{Wait a minute... maybe I shouldn't be so flattered by my husbands’ assessment after all…}} She did however, end up realizing that God had not completely forgotten her and took care of her in the end (and all through the middle, as my husband pointed out).

Saying I’m like Naomi is actually fairly accurate, considering a year ago I was so angry at God, I felt like He was not involved in my life at all (abandoned) and that He could really care less about what went on in my trivial life. So, acknowledging that He is here, and somewhat participating, is also admitting that He cares. Sort of. Even if it is getting back to brainstorming the good that He could make of unfortunate happenings.

I am not quite to where Naomi was at the end of her story, but I suppose we are always on this journey of working on our relationship with God. I certainly have come a long way, but I am even more certain that I have much farther to go. My frustrations with Him are not because hard things have happened to me, or around me, but because I don't believe he actually loves me. The kind of believing that you don’t have to think about, you just know it.



This is the product of five girls going apple picking. It was so good, and so bad for us :)

Incline Me To Repent

Depth of Mercy
Selah

Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear,
Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul's impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

Now incline me to repent,
Let me now my sins lament,
Deeply my revolt deplore,
Weep, believe, and sin no more.

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul's impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

"Now incline me to repent, Let me now my sins lament"
My favorite line, not because it makes me feel happy, but because it makes me feel real. How often do I go through each day, not at all thinking of how the things I do and the things I think have real weight and meaning. It matters. Not in an ego-centric way, like what I think has the same impact as what Roger Goodell thinks. I mean it really matters when it comes to the reflection of my soul. And if I don't stop and evaluate what I'm thinking, then my life is gonna start to get messy, and look a whole lot more like my ugly selfishness than God's gorgeous compassion.

Mistaken Identity

I am quite frequently informed that I look "just like" so and so. Or, "I could have sworn I saw you the other day!" but alas, it was not me. I think this is actually very amusing. I take joy (er, pride) in knowing I look like other people, sometimes even famous people. This picture is me and a girl dubbed as my twin in college.


This post however, is about the other kind of identity. The one we hold of ourselves. What do you see as your identity? There can be many, but usually there is one that you tell first to people you've just met. Or the one you make sure to include on your bio or "about me" statement. Now, I know as believers, you are to strive to hold our identity in Christ. You are supposed to be completely confident in your adoption as a son or daughter of Christ that you are most excited about it and it is the first and last thing you want to share with people. Let me be the first to confess that I struggle so much with this concept that it feels like I am writing about a foreign country that I've never visited.

**Warning**: I acknowledge that I have a tendency to whine :) and exclaim "woe is me". Please feel free to stop reading if you start to gag.

Over the last few weeks I have been unemployed, waiting for my next assignment from the staffing agency. The first week was bliss, the second was miserable and the third was a combination of both. Having time off from full time employment is like an impromptu, mini-vacation. Woo hoo! I get to bake things (Raspberry Banana Bread, Chocolate Peanut Butter Mallow Bars, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies...) and plan real meals for my husband! It was a fun week. Then week two rolls around and the fact that I should have been called by now, and the temping agency is clearly neglecting me, sets in. (That is sarcasm, because they can only call when they have assignments, I'm not really blaming them). Week three got the pendulum swing started with reminding myself that not everyone gets to enjoy time off like this, and at least we have some savings in the bank to keep us afloat. Swing... I am useless, jobless, lazy, unmotivated and annoyed. So that is what has prompted the ponderings of my identity. My conclusion:

It is harder to struggle with your identity when you have none at all, than when you have a fake one.

Oh how I long to be the kind of person with a profession. So that I could say, I am a _____. And in that statement, I would be informing people that I am of value, I bring something to the table, I help mankind! It could simply be, "I am a Mom, I have little people that are completely my responsibility and I am doing my best to raise them as good humans and lovers of God." Or I could be, a nurse, a barista, an accountant, a pastor, a counselor or a teacher. But no. Instead I am a person that works for a Staffing Agency doing temporary assignments as an Administrative Assistant.

I realize that all of these identities are, in reality, fake. They are titles that help describe us, but they are not supposed to be our identities. However, when you have one, it is easy to get comfortable and tell yourself (or possibly lie to yourself) from time to time that your real confidence and comfort comes from your identity in Christ. Lie or not, it is easier when you have another identity to fall back on.