Good AND Bad

I find it easier to believe that bad things come from God, than good things. I guess I assume that things in life should go fairly smoothly. When they don't, I have no problem trusting that God has a reason for the crap in my life. That doesn't mean I like having crap in my life, but I can usually brainstorm up some kind of good that could come of it. However, when things go really great, or something wonderful happens out of the blue, I simply attribute it to the fact that things in life just go well sometimes; coincidence. How ridiculous is that? Most people thank God for the good stuff and either forget Him during the bad or curse Him for it.

I was explaining this phenomenon to Mike one day, and he said I am like Naomi. {{Whoa, being like anyone in the Bible is cool, but being like someone from the Bible that has the same name as a supermodel? Stop! I'm blushing!}} Anyway, Naomi from the Bible... who was bitter and blamed God for her apparent abandonment. {{Wait a minute... maybe I shouldn't be so flattered by my husbands’ assessment after all…}} She did however, end up realizing that God had not completely forgotten her and took care of her in the end (and all through the middle, as my husband pointed out).

Saying I’m like Naomi is actually fairly accurate, considering a year ago I was so angry at God, I felt like He was not involved in my life at all (abandoned) and that He could really care less about what went on in my trivial life. So, acknowledging that He is here, and somewhat participating, is also admitting that He cares. Sort of. Even if it is getting back to brainstorming the good that He could make of unfortunate happenings.

I am not quite to where Naomi was at the end of her story, but I suppose we are always on this journey of working on our relationship with God. I certainly have come a long way, but I am even more certain that I have much farther to go. My frustrations with Him are not because hard things have happened to me, or around me, but because I don't believe he actually loves me. The kind of believing that you don’t have to think about, you just know it.



This is the product of five girls going apple picking. It was so good, and so bad for us :)

I've heard so much about you!

As I was brushing my teeth this morning
{{pause. I felt like it was worth noting that most mornings, the time spent brushing my teeth is used to determine my wardrobe for the day. This routine developed out of the realization that I was wasting time standing in front of the sink, occupying one hand only, while my other hand and more importantly, my conscious thinking, were available. So, I go into the habit of taking my teeth brushing into the bedroom and standing in front of my closet, pulling out shirts and pants and switching combinations at least three times before achieving satisfaction. If by chance I have already thought about what to wear, I move to the next step of accessories! By combining these to daily necessities, I have not only saved time, but improved my dental hygiene. I'm sure some days my teeth are brushed for 9 minutes straight!}}
Anyway, I strayed from my routine and stood in front of the sink, and because my brain is quite sporadic and random, the phrase "I've heard so much about you" invited itself in.

It's a very common phrase, yet I wonder if we ever stop to think of the implications it carries. Imagine the many situations in which it would be used. Of course, it is most commonly said after an introduction of a new acquaintance. A few examples:

Just imagine introducing someone you know and love (friend, spouse, sig other) and after they meet the person listed, your friend says "Oh! I've heard so much about you!". Hah! Imagine the vast array of emotional responses that could be running through their head!

• the boss
• the ex-girlfriend/boyfriend
• the neighbor
• the co-carpooler
• the parents of the kids you babysit/sat for
• the professor/teacher
• the teammate
• the doctor/dentist
  

Basically, any relationship you have where you are not so close to the person that they know without a doubt what you think of them, things could get awkward. And awkward things make me laugh. So think about that next time you tell someone that you've heard a lot about them ;)

PS. You should definitely wink too. It adds to the awkward factor :)

Incline Me To Repent

Depth of Mercy
Selah

Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear,
Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul's impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

Now incline me to repent,
Let me now my sins lament,
Deeply my revolt deplore,
Weep, believe, and sin no more.

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul's impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me

"Now incline me to repent, Let me now my sins lament"
My favorite line, not because it makes me feel happy, but because it makes me feel real. How often do I go through each day, not at all thinking of how the things I do and the things I think have real weight and meaning. It matters. Not in an ego-centric way, like what I think has the same impact as what Roger Goodell thinks. I mean it really matters when it comes to the reflection of my soul. And if I don't stop and evaluate what I'm thinking, then my life is gonna start to get messy, and look a whole lot more like my ugly selfishness than God's gorgeous compassion.